I AM Love

It is no accident that though in Christian theology Easter is considered the most important holiday, in life, it is Christmas that receives the biggest celebration. Christmas, not coincidentally, comes during the pagan holiday of winter solstice, celebrating the Light in the darkness. Whereas Easter represents Jesus transcending this world, Christmas is when Jesus is born to live and walk among us in the world. His Light shone long before the transcendent experience of Easter. Thus, this little baby represents the possibility for all of us, that in the midst of our mortal, limited lives, we can also live God's glory here on earth. Baby Jesus reminds us that nothing needs to be added, that the pure, naked simplicity of I Am is the alpha and omega, the all in all.

It was during this Christmas season that my journey with my Beloved Jesus The Christ became the most important thing in my life. I loved the stories of Jesus I learned in church, mostly that He loved everyone and everything, and did not judge anyone. My Mom raised me to believe that Jesus was the greatest living human, though she was unsure about all the miracles and other -worldly stuff. So Jesus was a hero for me, someone I could aspire to be like, as he was human...just the most loving human that had ever lived.

It is in this context that one Christmas, when I was in elementary school, I turned off all the lights in the downstairs area of our house (except in the kitchen where my Mom was making dinner). I turned on the Christmas tree lights and the one orange electric candle that stood on our upright piano. I put a Christmas album on my Dad's phonograph and I danced around the living room to the holy songs praising Baby Jesus. When Away in the Manger started playing, I pretended the manger with Jesus was right there in the middle of the living room and I danced around it. As I danced, I loved with my whole heart and being this Baby Jesus, and I also felt and allowed in, His vast, unconditional love for me...I stopped dancing and just stood there loving and being loved...and suddenly, this place where I had been imagining Baby Jesus became full of Light. This Light raised up and moved toward me, though it had no personification, it was simply Love. And this Love merged with me, and I was It and It was me and all of life. It encompassed everything. I am aware of my Mom in the kitchen being in the Light too, there were no walls, and the Light was far beyond anything I could "see".

This Love was beyond, beyond, beyond any love I thought I had known before this. I loved and adored my family, and yet I was struck by how small this love was compared to God's Love.

I don't know how long the experience was, maybe just for a moment, maybe longer. I just know from that moment on, my life was God's. I didn't know what that meant, but I knew everything paled in comparison to that Love, and that my life was committed to It, through Jesus The Christ, forever.

Baby Jesus in a manger, not even the man who became a Master Teacher, but a baby, innocent, no -thing added, simple, pure I Am Love - from which all life is birthed and which all life returns - this is Christmas to me and ever shall be.

Merry Christmas my beloveds!
Harriet

A Rant

Okay I love that in our New Thought centers we learn from and honor all the major world traditions. What I do not appreciate is that in so many New Thought centers, in honoring the worlds religions, we've lost Christianity. Well, not lost it, but don't really allow ourselves to jump into it fully without fearing to offend someone.



Today in Children's Church they learned about Diwali - a Hindu Festival Lights that this year was celebrated in October. Next week is Chanukkah, and the following week is Kwanzaa (which is generally after Christmas, not before). I asked were they going to do Christmas? The answer? They did last week...



Julian was there last week, he heard one story about Jesus, colored a picture of Advent Candles...that was Christmas. Is this insane? The 2 main religious holidays this time of year are Christmas and Chanukkah, why not fully celebrate them? Why not really give ourselves to the judeo-christian religious teaching and allow our children to experience the stories fully...along with so much of the culture around them?



So I have to go find another church at this time of year for Julian to really get a feel for Christmas - my religious/spiritual roots - because I can't find it in the church of everything.



Then New Thought folks wonder why we have such a hard time with our children's programs...we teach abstract, metaphysical concepts that the human brain is not programmed to understand until around 11 or 12 years old...we pay little attention to the magnificent mythical and historical roots of these metaphysical principles...which is exactly the part that kids love.



On the way to church one day, Julian was asking who David was from the Christmas carol lines, "Once in royal David's city" ...so I told him the story of David and Goliath....he then had me tell him the story 2 more times that day...he told it to his class the following week, then asked me to tell it to him again...



In embracing everything, we can lose so much.





Oh and...read an article in the Washington Post about the guy who headed up the bail out who is now detoxing from D.C....I understand that. Even as I read the article, I was reminded of the characters in War and Peace...so many underlying motivations, ambitions, fears, desires...all being played out via a wide variety of personalities. Really, nothing is new...

Day 21

I think what amazes me the most about this spiritual journey I am on is how extraordinarily kind, interesting, energetic, deep and passionate the people are I meet along the way. As I sit here today, I reflect on all the people I have connected with this past week, and I love every one of them. Talk about Abundance, I am in the overflow of great people all the time, in every area of my life, for that I am eternally grateful.

Another really important piece for me in creating a Holy Temple is having a husband who is right there with me, walking the path side by side with me. We are both committed to healing within ourselves that which needs to be healed, so we can individually and collectively be as great a transparency of Light as possible. There are blocks to work through, but where 2 or more are gathered, there is a power that cannot be contained.

And sweet Julian, the most powerful inspiration I could have, to wake up, to heal, to surrender, to participate, to Be.


Oh and...the Christmas season...how I love this time of the year...and have noticed that being in a transdenominational community, I have often felt embarrassed by this seemingly ethnocentric love for Christmas. Not now, today I make no apologies for my love of Jesus The Christ and my love of this time of year that celebrates Light in so many ways, but for me it is especially the Christ in Christmas that resonates in my Soul.

Day 20

Texting, facebook, twitter, emails, phone calls, from all directions people reach out. I don't know about you, but I love hearing from everyone...and days go by and suddenly I realize I've never responded, then weeks...it bums me out, because I'd love to talk, write everyone and connect with everyone with as much depth as possible...but there isn't time. So it's either superficial, quick connection, which I really dislike, or take the time, more time than I have, to write, talk longer being fully present to the other person.

How this all fits into being a Holy Temple I'm not sure...I haven't found the flow yet...have you?

Oh and...I'm loving War and Peace....one of the main characters almost dies, and then"wakes up" to Reality, sees Napoleon standing over him and realizes how small and insignificant he really is. What Joy! May we all know directly and immediately how glorious and vast this Presence is, way beyond any one human life, and yet fully and completely animating each and every atom and cell of all creation. AWESOME!

Day 19

Beautiful day! Julian and I were out all afternoon, didn't get home to dinner and now it's time to put him to bed.

If I do have anything to say, I can't think of it right now...

Oh and...if your child grew up to be a professional footplayer, with all the injuries, would you be happy for them?

Day 18

What a day! Lots of tears, LOTS of tears...then the rainbow. Nothing better than to cry into the arms of the Infinite, there is always a rainbow that reveals itself in the midst.

I am grateful for this Vision and I am the unconditional YES, reaffirming itself every day in my body, heart, mind and Soul (as my friend Terry Patten blogged about today - whether things are positive or negative, what can we give our unconditional yes to?).


Oh and...read today at the baseball center, only 3% of players drafted in baseball, make it to a major league team...wow!

Integral Spirituality

For those of you who don't know, there is a theory articulated by Ken Wilber called integral theory. It is a map that connects all theories, all disciplines, all cultures, all types of everything. It's incredibly elucidating for anyone who has the time to learn it. You can start at http://www.kenwilber.com/ and follow pertinent links.

I bring this all up because we are in the season of magic for young children, and I write primarily about those raised in the Christian tradition, since that is what I know. Though I have lit the Chanukah's candles at my transdemoninational spiritual center, it's not the same as being raised in that religion (though I did go to a Jewish Montessori that taught Hebrew and celebrated the Jewish holidays).

Right now Julian is thinking about Santa Claus and elves, as well as his superheroes. Now it could be said, and has been said, that to engage in this magical world of Santa Claus with him is not treating him rationally, it's a form lying to a child.

However, what I now see that is a perspective derived entirely from a rational worldview, that discounts other worldviews.

What developmentists are now saying is that each stage a child goes through - including magic, then mythic - has to be experienced and integrated fully before going on to the next stage of development. If not, parts of the child gets split off, disassociated from, and will be stumbling blocks for the person for the rest of their life. In other words, no stage can be skipped.

Thus, it is actually my responsibility as a parent to engage in magical thinking with my child, make it okay, playful, something to be embraced. Then one day he naturally start asking questions, and the shift to the mythic stage of development begins to happen, then it is my responsibility to meet him there.

All of this is on my mind as President Obama commits more troops to Afghanistan. I'm not as upset about this as I used to be. Generally speaking it is people at the mythic stage of development, and some rational stage, that fight these wars...and since 70% of the world is still ethnocentric (mythic or below), these wars will still be needed - as ugly as they are.

As I read War and Peace, the joy, the passion, the total commitment of the men of Russia to serve in the military, to fight Napoleon (and aren't we glad they did?) is experienced as honor, not as a horror. The horror that we now know go with war as experienced on TV, is a stage of development, a perspective, that most of the world's population (including my son) don't share. Even as Tolstoy and Hemingway fought in wars and then are horrified by them, they are not in the majority. So many men who have fought in wars feel the honor in doing so, and would do it again, if called by their country.

Just as I HAVE to meet Julian where he is (abstract rational thinking isn't possible in most kids until about 11 or 12), I recognize we have to meet the world where it is, on it's terms. We can still try negotiation - but how well does sitting down and have diplomatic conversations with a 5 yr. old work if they don't think you're going to back up your perspective with definitive action?

I open my heart to all the perspectives of this world, and in Julian, and ask to serve each in the Highest Vibration of Love and Wisdom as I am capable.


Oh and...had a great conversation today with a friend about professional sports and how only the select have the millions, that majority aren't getting paid that high...and yet the parental pressure to create brilliant athletes is unrelenting. I have been assuming it is the hope of the millions that is the motivation for these parents...but if that's not it, what is?

Surrender

The most important thing to know about catching a Vision for one's life is that the externalization of it is secondary to It's internalized embodiment. Thus, as this Vision for Holy Temple continues to impress itself in my awareness, I recognize there is no way for there to be an external temple if I myself am not a Holy Temple.

Ramana Maharshi - who lived during Gandh's time in India, and was also a contemporary of Paramahansa Yogadanda and Sri Aurobindo - says that surrendering one's life to God comes in parts, that most people aren't able to give their entire beings over all at once, for good. That is true for me, most certainly. I have been living a life surrendered to the Infinite for most of my adult life, yet there have been definite moments where I went to the next level in what that surrender looked like.

One moment in particular stands out in 1991, a particularly difficult time in my life, and I just gave it all over to God. However, that being too abstract, I prayed to Jesus The Christ, asking for a way to anchor the intention of God first in my life on a daily basis. I was visiting my brother Dan and his wife Carolyn and their 2 month old daughter, Genevieve in Boston. I sat in the back of Old South Church the day after Christmas, praying for help. Between that time and New Year's Eve, I was given 3 practices to do every day to anchor my intention for God first in my life - they were (and are) meditation, exercise and journaling every day. These 3 practices were more important than anything else every day, school, work, relationship, emotions, tiredness, business, it didn't matter, I was to do them every day as my way of saying, God is first in my life. I no longer worried about how to resolve the incredible challenge I was in, I just focused on making sure that I did those 3 practices every day.

I also lived forgiveness. If I missed a day, or a few days, I didn't freak out, I just accepted forgiveness (with little to no reproachment) and continued on in my practices. Suddenly, without me even aware of it, the seeming impossible knots loosened up and my life began to shift in ways I could never imagine. I didn't lose all the challenges, but I wasn't focused on them anymore, so I was able to handle them from a completely different perspective and walked in the Presence enough that friends began to comment on how different I was. Wasn't it Einstein that said insanity was trying to solve problems from the same place (perspective) from which they were created?

I share that because this is the next step for me, for me to become that Holy Temple is to surrender more than I've ever surrendered before. What is being asked of me is to surrender even more of myself than I have in the past. However, I find I am more harsh on myself than I was way back in 1991, I guess because my expectations of myself are higher. If I'm not perfect in my intention, I rebuke myself and that judgment is part of the "impossible" knot that keeps me all twisted up.

Thus, as I jump with all my Being in full surrender to Spirit, I jump with a soft and forgiving heart for those times when I'm not surrendered, when I lose focus and intention. I know that it is this forgiveness that allows me to return to Heaven that much more quickly.


Oh and...for anyone reading this, thank you for joining me on this journey...it's a blessing to walk with you. Though you may be invisible to me, I know in God we walk, and thus we share a sacred connection that is blessed by Grace. Thank you, thank you, and so it is, Amen.

Day 15

The end of a great Thanksgiving holiday! Today we put up our Christmas tree, though the tradition is a bit different than when I was a girl. Today we put our fake tree together, which Julian now remembers how to do, so he excitedly helped every step match colors and slide the branches in the right slot. It feels a lot different than buying a live tree and decorating it...but Julian's excitement is just as much as mine was, as this is his tradition.

Well the next step to my Vision has been revealed...and unfortunately, it's hard because it requires me to change more than is comfortable. But the alternative is to say no, and keep doing what I'm doing, which is familiar but it's own form of hell. Today I heard a great quote by Rumi which I can't remember except for something along the line of; we have to be dragged, kicking and screaming, away from torturing ourselves..that sure resonates.

Well...here goes nothing...and everything.


Oh and...I ask about who are the artistic visionaries of our time, because I am stunned as I read War and Peace how deeply Tolstoy knew people. His depiction of all kinds of people, in their subtle, inner experiences, as well as outer behavior, is revelational. It's an easy and engrossing read, as we people are quite interesting. Won't you join me in reading this great epic?

Day 14

Motherhood and ministry: it's been a wonderful few days with my family, yet there is no question that when I'm not operating in alignment with a larger Vision, there is a lack of focus behind everything.

Actually, that's not exactly correct, there is a Vision, but I am at a place of not knowing what the next step is, so there is a lot of listening to see what it is. So playing with Jack and Julian (Julian rode his bicycle today for the first time without training wheels...it was so fun riding all around the park with Jack and him) is great, at the same time, I find myself inward, "what is next God, what is my next step?"

Even as I sit to write a blog, though many interesting little thoughts roll around my head -

like I read recently that republicans are tired of President Obama using the
word, "unprecedented"...and it is exactly how I feel in the spiritual world
where everyone is "the first", or "the best", "deepest", "most
transformative"
etc...one superlative after another, all to distinguish
one's essential
uniqueness from everyone else...a quality of the Information
Age I think, when
we have access to everyone who has ever
lived uniqueness, our own
originality seems a little less
so...so then we feel we have to
overemphasize ours to prove our worth -

they are thoughts that are not there to serve anything in particular but my own distracted musings. Thus, between family time and this questioned that has not yet been answered, musings are all I have...and they don't really serve anyone.

Oh and...who are the visionaries artists of today?

Happy Birthday!

It's a great birthday! No where I'd rather be than with my wonderful family. Jack and Julian have been angels, making me feel really special. And my Mom, 3 brothers and sisters- inlaw sang to me over the phone (they are all gather in NJ, with their kids, for the holidays). I actually have a lot I'd like to write, but today I'm just into being with my family...will return with greater depth tomorrow.

Thank you for all your love!

Oh and...my husband can COOK!!!

Day 12

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Oh and...give thanks, happy.

Holy Temple

I had this great realization a couple weeks back when I was remembering my time in Los Angeles. The place I miss most is The Lake Shrine Temple in Pacific Palisades. For years, on Fridays and Sunday evenings, I would go to their 2 and 3 hour silent meditations. The way it was set up was for people to enter the Temple grounds without talking and leave without talking. I never met a single person in all the years I attended, yet the sacred stillness of that time and place, still sings its intimate song in my heart.

I am a minister in an organization where 2 of the primary responsibilities of the minister are preaching and teaching. I appreciate the need for both, and what I have discovered for myself is, the foundation of a spiritual community grounded is silent communion with God.

I love the preaching and musical celebration of Spirit on a Sunday morning and I have even more passion for the classes, for understanding, teaching and learning spiritual principles. And yes, I love spiritual community and friendship too. Yet, without that structured foundation of silent communing in God, there is an emptiness that pervades my experience of a spiritual community.

Thus, it is not a surprise that the Vision for my ministry begins with a temple housing this silent, holy, sacred communion. We will have daily morning meditations and longer meditations on weekends and special occassions. This meditation chapel is central to the spiritual community center that is to evolve here in Livermore, CA. It is here to celebrate, educate and nourish spiritual awakening, spiritual community and living one's unique Vision.

If you want to start by catching God's Vision for Its' Life as you, come join me this Monday morning - 9:30 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. Anchor in the stillness of The Infinite, Unconditional Love-Intelligence of the universe, to see and hear what human eyes and hears cannot see or hear. You are a miracle...not in concept...but in living Spirit. Come commune in this Living Ground of All Being, and be renewed. Email me at revharriet1@yahoo.com if you're interested.



Oh and...I've been thinking about charisma lately. It's a joyful, fun, inspiring and often electrifying energy to be around. It can be used to inspire millions of people, or just a few, to do things beneficial that people wouldn't normally do. In service to the Infinite, it can push people past their limitations to heights never before realized.

At the same time, it's shadow can range from being empty calories to extraordinarily dangerous (think cult leaders and Hitler). In this time in our spiritual culture, I am noticing so much hype that goes along with most marketing of spiritual teachers, workshops, processes, theories, etc. etc., charisma seems like it's becoming an essential commodity to sell one's spirituality.

Again, when charisma is in service to enlightenment, it can be wonderful...but it will never be as powerful or transformational as direct communion in Spirit. This direct contact is more powerful than any class, talk, workshop, process...just you in that sweet stillness, allowing the Love of God permeate your entire Being.

Spiritual community committed to that Stillness opens my heart to that Love even more...why Lake Shrine has had such a profound and intimate impact on my spiritual journey though I never had a conversation with a single person, or heard a single inspiring talk, the whole time I was there. God may use charisma, but She certainly doesn't need it...His Isness is All.

Shhh! Enter Quietly...

The last day before the boys are home for 5 days, so I'm giving myself the most luxurious birthday present a girl could ask for...a day of silence, communing with God, My Divine Beloved. Thank You God!

Write to you tomorrow!


Oh and......oh and.....and.....and.....

Sports, God & Motherhood

Sports, God and Motherhood.

I was startled when someone asked my world's religion professor what eastern religion he thought had the most impact on western society and he replied Taoism. He explained his answer thusly:

Male energy comes in through the front door, announcing, proclaiming and teaching all about itself. Feminine energy slips in through the back door, people aren't aware it's impacting them, and yet it pervades everything. He noted that while gurus and masters of Hinduism and Buddhism have been coming through the front door in our American society, Taoism has come in through the back door. Taoism, (i.e. The Way), has permeated our culture through all the martial arts training that kids all over the country are immersed in. They are learning about The Way and yet not even consciously know they are learning it.

And my contention is that this is also what is happening in all sports, dance, intense physical activity -we are learning "to read" The Way, yet not in a conscious, intellectual way, but through our energy body. In fact, the intellect gets in the way of this direct knowing if it is leading the physical activity...only when the intellect is serving this body/energy Knowing, is it being used at it's highest level.

What does this have to do with motherhood? With all our book reading, research, child development experts, mothers often give their intuitive, body knowing over to the intellect. The intellect is leading, not serving, this energy body/intuitive Knowing. The Way, flows and pervades our homes (both our house/apt. and body) and She is Infinite in Wisdom. We can trust Her, and serve that energy/Wisdom first and foremost in how we raise our children and create Home. Then when we get stuck, we will intuitively be led to the books, experts, sages that will serve our situation best, as The Way knows all...ask any athlete.


Oh and...as part II to yesterday's note, the heroes journey is a universal archtype. It is where a person descends into hell, the underworld, conquers it, is transformed in the process, and re-emerges to Life a changed person, a victorious heroe. Thus, when the heroe in The Departed, has conquered the underworld, and is about the emerge to Life a victorious heroe, he is suddenly he's shot in the head... the archtype was brutally murdered as well as the whole purpose, beauty and power of the story. It's a story I would've returned to, to be inspired by the heroes journey, but now, there is no purpose to see it again. Yes, Matt Damon's character is killed in the end by Mark Wahlberg's, but who cares? They were the characters forcing the heroe to become a heroe...but the story was never about them.

Day 8

We went to the Center for Spiritual Enlightenment today for the second week in a row. It's nice for me not to know anyone and not know about all that other "stuff" that happens in spiritual community. I love that at this Center, they spend 10 minutes in the Silence in the middle of their service, it's the only place I've experienced this. It's a reminder how powerful this is during any day, just to stop in the middle of activity and be still for 10 minutes. God first in all that we do.

When I'm there, I have the simultaneous feeling of missing being the minister of a church, and not missing it at all. I don't miss the constant drama that seems to rear itself more intensely in spiritual community, but I do miss preaching and teaching tremendously, and the deep intimacy of relationships anchored in conscious relationship in God.

The great thing about this period in my life is I realize I like church; I was never sure before this. As a kid we went because we had no choice. Though I liked it, when I had choice in highschool, I didn't go very much...and never went to church again until I started going to Agape in L.A. That's such an unusual place, and Rev. Michael is so exceptional that I didn't know if I'd be interested in any church beyond that...especially since by the time I graduated from ministerial school I was back to my old life- rarely going to services at Agape (though I did work there during the week).

So often as a minister speaking on a Sunday morning, I'd look out over the congregation and wonder, "why do they come here on a Sunday morning?"

And now I know why...community in God...it's heaven. Thank You God, and may I/we know Your community all week long!


Oh and...The Departed, did you ever see it? I loved, loved that movie, my favorite Martin Scorcese film yet...and yet I hated the end. He killed off Odysseus! The main character (whose name I can't remember, played by Leo DiCaprio) gets killed at the almost end of the movie. What if Homer had killed of Odysseus before he got home to Penelope? If he had, we wouldn't be still be reading the Odyssey today. It was a brilliant movie about the heroe's journey, except Scorsese (and whoever wrote it) killed off the heroe....making the movie a little less brilliant.

Day 7

What would it be like to be totally consumed with the Infinite with no personal desires? I don't know, but today I feel closer to that place than I have in a long, long time. The main feeling is of FREEDOM!

At the same time, what I keep "hearing" from the Divine is to know know Her not only in spirit, but as body, as form, as earth...over and over this seems to be my area of growth...to know God not only in the Invisible, but also in the visible...a nondual awareness yes, but also I'm being guided to appreciate specifically the chi of God, the energy/light/prana/holy spirit of the Divine as me and all of life.

So I've begun yoga once a week with Jack, (different from the endorphin high of jogging, which doesn't always lead me to actually feeling my body) which I love. We'll see how else all this guidance shows up, I'm still unsure.

And how cool that at the end of the day to talk to my Mom and she starts talking to me about Ken Wilber and integral theory!!! Wow! It's a beautiful and amazing world!


Oh and...did you ever see Last Temptation of Christ, by the brilliant Martin Scorcese? Yes brilliant, but his attempt to make Jesus human was so depressing...who would follow that guy? It's bugged me ever since I saw it, so I just had to mention it. There was all this hoopla around the movie, about Jesus maybe sleeping with a woman and I can't remember what else. I remember none of that bothered me, what bothered me is the guy never smiled, or showed any qualities of Light..and yet he was the guy to forever impact this earth?!! Scorcese missed the boat on this one in my perspective. Did he ever see Gandhi? ..I remember seeing William Dafoe in an interview, laughing and entertaining and I thought, "wow, he's shining more Christ light now than he did in that movie." What do you think?

At Play In The Field Of The Infinite

Do you have long conversations with Spirit too?

As I'm picking up our apartment in preparation for a playdate today, God and I are talking away. The key to these conversations is to listen as much as I talk. What cracks me up is that this Infinitely Loving, Intelligent Presence asks me questions that seem so utterly irrelevant to what I'm asking about! Yet I have discovered from having many of these conversations that if I just go with it, somehow an entirely new perpective about my question reveals itself in such a surprising way.

It reminds me of Socrates famous quote, "All that I know is I know nothing" and the Beginners Mind talked about so frequently in zen. It's the best way to live, yet I still amaze myself how often I think God is wrong and have to battle it out with Her...always to be broken down and be opened in Love, awe and gratitude (the Infinite never disturbed by my egoic attitude).

Well that was my day today...great, holy conversation while I picked up our home. Didn't have the fight in me today, so the conversation flowed easily and abundantly in Spirit, revealing and healing.

The vision for this motherhood ministry continues to reveal itself. I describe it here not to etch it in stone, but to allow the creativity of God to express Itself as it has thus been revealed.

What I have seen is a Monday morning visioning at our home for anyone who is interested in discovering the God's Vision for their life. Then on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday mornings, inviting anyone who is interested to our home, to join me in a 4o minute silent meditation. What a yummy addition to the whole cleaning and learning to cook thing!

Are you feeling it?!


Oh and...I forget how puritan our country is until I have something in which to compare it. I'm amazed in the 100 pages I've read so far in War and Peace, how much love and affection is expressed on such a regular basis between the characters. Men saying, "my dear, I love you" to men friends, women kissing each other "all over" and expressing love to one another. It really pops out at me as I read...what, no high fives?

Vision

People without Vision persish, God's Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven...all of these we hear, and yet do we really know what God's Vision is for It's life as us? Are we passionate about finding out...or do we keep putting it off?

I remember Andrew Harvey saying of those solely engaged in spiritual practice, "we're so blissed out on our meditation pillow, we're of no earthly use." While waking up is ascension, knowing God's Vision for our life and living it is the fulfilling the promise of the realizing the kingdom of heaven on earth.

We may have goals and visualize and affirm to meet those goals, but generally those goals are limited by our finite perspective. When we open ourselves up to the Infinite, suddenly we see an Idea for our life that is much grander and more original than we could possibly have dreamed.

This is my second passion, to teach how to know one's unique, God-ordained, Vision and to live it. In fact, I'm thinking about having a weekly vision group in my home for those who are interested in the tri-valley area.

I've been experiencing a bit of the desert lately, after years of living in Vision...it's unsettling and yet I feel something cooking underneath that is quite delicious. My sense is, it's almost ready to be seen, felt, heard, tasted, touched and smelled and I am ready.

Are you ready to catch the Vision for your life?


P.S. Oh and...is it really that hard to turn on one's turn signal when changing lanes? :)

Only Day 4? :)

There are only 2 purposes in God's ministry as me - help people to wake up to who they really are and help/inspire them to live their vision. Today I'll just write about what I mean by the first one, waking up, and how I see it applying to motherhood.

Being asleep - in spiritual terms- means we are solely identified with our gross physical body and it's emotional/mental habit patterns. In other words, all that I think that I am is Harriet Hawkins and her story from conception to now.

Then either through a peak mystical experience(s), and/or the suffering 'caused by that sole identity, we begin to learn that we also have an energy (subtle) body, an ideational (causal) body and behind all that, the Ground of All Being, God, Allah, Brahma, The Way (nondual reality). And what's even more amazing is to really understand that we are made in the image and likeness of God, in fact, God is all that we are (if God/Ground of All Being is Infinite, for there to be a place where Allah/Brahma is not, then It would be finite, thus all that is, is The One, thus all that we are is God).

Great! It's much easier to grasp this intellectually, than to actually wake up to our True Identity and live more identified with That then with our human identity. Thus prayer without ceasing, life as a meditation, service, devotion, reflection are ways to assit our finite selves to wake up!

As a Mom, I believe it's important for Julian to be fully grounded in his earthly self (interestingly, the Kaballah - Jewish mysticism - was traditionally not taught until people...well, men...were in their 40's, fully established in structure and life, grounding the growing mystical awareness in a healthy, integrative way...which clearly has some value relative to the image we have of the flakey new ager). At the same time, I continue to do my spiritual practices and talk about Spiritual Truths as very alive and real in our every day lives. My hope is that Julian will grow up grounded in the joy of his physical life and yet also knowing he is more than that and that he is forever connected and part of this vast, loving, infinitely intelligent, Presence

What comes from this intention are some interesting conversations, like the one we has in the car this past Sunday, on our way to the Center for Spiritual Enlightenment in San Jose:

Julian is talking passionately about being a superheroe so he can fight all the bad guys.
I ask, "What about Jesus, is he a superheroe?"
Without hestitation, "yes".
"But you know, he doesn't kill anyone, or fight them."
Again without hesitation, "That's okay, he's a talking superheroe."
"Cool. You know what he does that is super amazing? He not only doesn't fight the bad guys, he loves the bad guys! That's really hard, I can't do it most of the time."
"He LOVES the bad guys? I could never do that! That's really hard!"

Then yesterday, clearly having pondered this, Julian again was saying he couldn't love the bad guys, he'd have to put them in jail. So I said he could put them in the jail and still love them, just like when I ask him to go to his room for not listening, I still love him. He stops and thinks about this, then says, "I got it, I could put them in jail and love them until they're good guys. That would work..Mom, I bet you could do that too!"

Made in the image and likeness of God...

Now the downside of continuing to do my spiritual practices is, sometimes I get in such a deep, blissful place, I get irritable when I am brought back to the very earthly world of a child. So rather than it evoking me to me a more peaceful Mom, the dissonance between the inner peace and the outer noise is like fingernails on a chalkboard. I'm still working on that one...


Oh and...Ken Wilber says that men have their "church" through sports. Going into the zone, pushing physical/emotional/mental boundaries past what one believe is possible (he says what feels like death) - not much different says he, than the states of consciousness experienced on the meditation pillow. If that's the case, wouldn't it be cool if there was a ministry (spiritual not religious) for sports? I haven't quite gotten what that would look like...but it's interesting to ponder the possibilities...

Day 3

I really appreciate the Age of Reason and how it has evolved our world beyond magic/mythic/conformist belief systems. The downside however, is that in valuing individuation over group conformity, we lost sight of the powerful need to bond with others.

I was reading Jean Liedloff's book The Continuum Concept when I was around 30. She lived for a year with a tribe in the Amazon and wrote how different their children were from western children. They were more relaxed, at home in their bodies, in way she hadn't seen before. What she witnessed is the mothers of infants never put their babies down, they were held or in a sling all the time...constant human contact. It wasn't until the baby started pulling to be on the ground would they put them down, only to bring them back up into their arms when the baby was done. The physical sense of well-being it gave a child was tangible.

Then I read the sentence that brought it all home (if I still had the book, I'd quote it, but I don't)...it was Liedloff's suspicion that behind much of western addiction was this lack of touch, this lack of "in-arms" time as an infant. As I read that, I experienced my third-eye opening up and the word "Truth" surrounded in Light. I knew in that moment that was how I was going to raise my baby.

Thank You God for bringing me Jack who has been so supportive in this way of raising Julian. When Julian was an infant, we always held him in our arms or he was in the sling, he never slept in a crib, we hardly used strollers and he nursed until he was 3. It was strange enough for the people around us that the "attachment parenting" group that I attended was a life saver from feeling like a totally whacko.

Interestingly, most of the negativie comments I received were based on the fear that by holding Julian so much, we were going to create a dependent child. That's when I realized how intensely we value independence and how much - in general - we fear/reject/detest dependence. Though I appreciate the need for people to individuate, it is extreme when we feel we need to train infants and toddlers to do this from the start. Both an infant's and Mom's natural biological instinct is to touch, to hold, to nurture...disassociating from this biological instinct doesn't serve the child's independence, but rather creates an even greater longing to get that need met, somehow, someway.

I am so grateful we did this attachment parenting with Julian as he has become exactly what the mothers in my attachment parent group promised...independent and caring about others.

At the same time, I also found that this parenting style of the past is not easily translated to modern times. Unlike the tribe in the amazon, I was mothering alone, I didn't have sisters, cousins, aunts, grandparents all holding Julian, it was just me (and Jack when he was home from work). I felt isolated and exhausted. I remember one woman from the islands telling me she and her sisters would give each other a break, nursing each others' babies. That blew me away, that feeling of community in raising children.

And that's why I brought this up today. The women in this tribe in the Amazon also participated (i.e. "worked) in the tribes life, but they could do their work with their children right there, playing. That is much of what is inspiring me now, how to live in harmony with Julian's schedule and needs, while fullfilling my community calling (ministry).

I have talked to many mothers who have felt like I have, guilt that when we're working we're not doing something for our kids and when we're with our kids, we're doing as much for our work as we could be. Either way, it's never enough and it feels split, not as one great whole working together.

Behind this is, this lack of peace, we're striving all the time for perfection, yet forgetting the beauty, harmony, flow, abundance (!), of the Isness of Being. Ever notice how nature -ususally referred to in the feminine- moves so much slower than "man-made" time?

Do we recognize the Infinite Peace in our homes while we work so hard to raise happy, fulfilled children? Can our children know happiness without peace? Peace...it's the quality I find I long for in my daily life as Mom, but often miss it in my striving. What about you?


Oh and...why don't professional sports teams line up and high-five the players of opposing team after games?

Day 2

A few weeks ago I had a dream in which Steven Spielberg told me I should read War and Peace, by Leo Tolstoy, so I am. Here's what I notice about the society Tolstoy writes about in the beginning of this epic, they don't cook or clean. The "society" people don't, the servants do everything.

When I was growing up, I had a servant too, it was great. Breakfast, lunch and dinner were always prepared, and when at home, served beautifully at the table. She did the laundry, ironed, kept the house orderly...yes, it was my Mom. Now we did have a housekeeper that came I think once a week (we had a big house), but my Mom did everything else.

In college I remember cooking dinner for my boyfriend, doing his laundry, until one day it dawned on me that we were both in college and why was I playing this role? I so got my dander up, and decided then and there, I wasn't going to play the same role as my Mom.

Thus, even today as I look at the plain work it takes to take care of a home, I still feel that it isn't noble work, but a servants work to do. Intellectually I know this isn't true -except I happen to be reading War and Peace where it is true - I just haven't actually gotten to where I really believe this is a noble way to live. The real people are out participating in the world, away from home, and home is the secondary place to be...a place to restore, revitalize oneself to go back out to the real i.e. important/valuable world.

It never ceases to amaze me how much of what I experience is simply an outpicturing of my habitual thought patterns, created over many years of life.

What about all of you? Do you feel the nobility of taking care of a home and providing meals 3 times a day, every day?


Oh and...when we know the power of visualization in co-creating our lives, why are films created and watched, that are like nuclear bombs for our souls?

The Beginning

Hello My Friends,

It’s nice to connect with you in this new way. I’m excited to write this blog for the next 40 days, as I expect revelations and insights, every day, from all of us. Insights about what you ask??? Well let’s find out…

Around my 25th birthday I had a Vision of having a baby. Around my 28th birthday, I had a Vision telling me, in no uncertain terms, to be a minister. As there is no clear path to becoming a mother, I poured my energy and intention into becoming a minister…and 9 years after that Vision, I happily became the senior minister of the Celebration Center for Spiritual Living, the church I was attending when I had that Vision 9 years earlier. Wow.

And what else happened that first year of ministry? I got married and pregnant…all at once, both Visions were fulfilled, along with a new relationship…I was in complete overwhelm. Not to mention the fact that I had been training and preparing myself to be a minister for 9 years, and had spent little time preparing myself for motherhood.

Julian was 8 months old when I left my position as senior minister. My next thought was part-time, asst. ministry, and that’s what took me to the Oakland Center for Spiritual Living and working with Rev. Joan Steadman. Great job, but ministry isn’t ever part-time and there was Julian…I kept missing birthday parties, and feeling not present even when I was present…and I felt that way for ministry too. So I left that job, sure that in surrendering my life to God, to this Infinitely Loving and Wise Presence, everything would effortlessly shift into place…just as it had for so many years. It didn’t.

This past year, I just couldn’t let go of trying to figure out how motherhood would fit in with/work with, ministry…ministry being my base that which I have known I have to do no matter what. It is the way I have been asked by God to serve the world; I couldn’t just drop it. Then 2 weeks ago I realized something really important…Julian is more important to me than anything else in the world, including ministry…in fact, in my heart, ministry is a far, far second to Julian. Why, I wondered, have I not been living in alignment with my heart?

As soon as I shifted, allowing myself to let go of ministry totally, and be totally focused on God’s Vision of Her Life as mother as me…suddenly I realized I’ve been getting visions all along, since Julian was an infant, but I just ignored them because they weren’t fitting into my ministry preconceived ideas.

I have run from my home, from being a homemaker, and yet here what this Infinite Intelligence has been revealing to me is make my home my ministry. It’s the Center of ministry for me, it is from this place of Home that I serve…the whole “my body is God’s temple”, expanded into our home is our church, our ashram, our sangha, our temple, our holy sacred site, where we consciously live in love, play and service to the One.

Happy, happy, happy, I can’t believe that God’s Will for my life is what my heart has longed for my whole life!! And yet, with all the joy of this revelation came the practical realization that I’m far more prepared to speak in front of hundreds of people than I am to create a sacred home. The resistance is amazing. It’s unfamiliar, unknown…who knew for this one time introvert, ministry would feel more safe than creating a home.

So here I have a blog dedicating these next 40 days, until Christmas Eve, to jumpstart me in consciously creating a sacred home. And our home, the Hawkins Quigley home, is your home, thus your wisdom, humor; revelations are all welcome to join me on this journey. Thanks for joining me and let’s have some fun!!!!



Oh, and…. on a whole other note: why do I hear so much about steroid use in baseball and other sports, but hear nothing about steroid use in football or basketball? What’s up with that?