The most important thing to know about catching a Vision for one's life is that the externalization of it is secondary to It's internalized embodiment. Thus, as this Vision for Holy Temple continues to impress itself in my awareness, I recognize there is no way for there to be an external temple if I myself am not a Holy Temple.
Ramana Maharshi - who lived during Gandh's time in India, and was also a contemporary of Paramahansa Yogadanda and Sri Aurobindo - says that surrendering one's life to God comes in parts, that most people aren't able to give their entire beings over all at once, for good. That is true for me, most certainly. I have been living a life surrendered to the Infinite for most of my adult life, yet there have been definite moments where I went to the next level in what that surrender looked like.
One moment in particular stands out in 1991, a particularly difficult time in my life, and I just gave it all over to God. However, that being too abstract, I prayed to Jesus The Christ, asking for a way to anchor the intention of God first in my life on a daily basis. I was visiting my brother Dan and his wife Carolyn and their 2 month old daughter, Genevieve in Boston. I sat in the back of Old South Church the day after Christmas, praying for help. Between that time and New Year's Eve, I was given 3 practices to do every day to anchor my intention for God first in my life - they were (and are) meditation, exercise and journaling every day. These 3 practices were more important than anything else every day, school, work, relationship, emotions, tiredness, business, it didn't matter, I was to do them every day as my way of saying, God is first in my life. I no longer worried about how to resolve the incredible challenge I was in, I just focused on making sure that I did those 3 practices every day.
I also lived forgiveness. If I missed a day, or a few days, I didn't freak out, I just accepted forgiveness (with little to no reproachment) and continued on in my practices. Suddenly, without me even aware of it, the seeming impossible knots loosened up and my life began to shift in ways I could never imagine. I didn't lose all the challenges, but I wasn't focused on them anymore, so I was able to handle them from a completely different perspective and walked in the Presence enough that friends began to comment on how different I was. Wasn't it Einstein that said insanity was trying to solve problems from the same place (perspective) from which they were created?
I share that because this is the next step for me, for me to become that Holy Temple is to surrender more than I've ever surrendered before. What is being asked of me is to surrender even more of myself than I have in the past. However, I find I am more harsh on myself than I was way back in 1991, I guess because my expectations of myself are higher. If I'm not perfect in my intention, I rebuke myself and that judgment is part of the "impossible" knot that keeps me all twisted up.
Thus, as I jump with all my Being in full surrender to Spirit, I jump with a soft and forgiving heart for those times when I'm not surrendered, when I lose focus and intention. I know that it is this forgiveness that allows me to return to Heaven that much more quickly.
Oh and...for anyone reading this, thank you for joining me on this journey...it's a blessing to walk with you. Though you may be invisible to me, I know in God we walk, and thus we share a sacred connection that is blessed by Grace. Thank you, thank you, and so it is, Amen.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Day 15
The end of a great Thanksgiving holiday! Today we put up our Christmas tree, though the tradition is a bit different than when I was a girl. Today we put our fake tree together, which Julian now remembers how to do, so he excitedly helped every step match colors and slide the branches in the right slot. It feels a lot different than buying a live tree and decorating it...but Julian's excitement is just as much as mine was, as this is his tradition.
Well the next step to my Vision has been revealed...and unfortunately, it's hard because it requires me to change more than is comfortable. But the alternative is to say no, and keep doing what I'm doing, which is familiar but it's own form of hell. Today I heard a great quote by Rumi which I can't remember except for something along the line of; we have to be dragged, kicking and screaming, away from torturing ourselves..that sure resonates.
Well...here goes nothing...and everything.
Oh and...I ask about who are the artistic visionaries of our time, because I am stunned as I read War and Peace how deeply Tolstoy knew people. His depiction of all kinds of people, in their subtle, inner experiences, as well as outer behavior, is revelational. It's an easy and engrossing read, as we people are quite interesting. Won't you join me in reading this great epic?
Well the next step to my Vision has been revealed...and unfortunately, it's hard because it requires me to change more than is comfortable. But the alternative is to say no, and keep doing what I'm doing, which is familiar but it's own form of hell. Today I heard a great quote by Rumi which I can't remember except for something along the line of; we have to be dragged, kicking and screaming, away from torturing ourselves..that sure resonates.
Well...here goes nothing...and everything.
Oh and...I ask about who are the artistic visionaries of our time, because I am stunned as I read War and Peace how deeply Tolstoy knew people. His depiction of all kinds of people, in their subtle, inner experiences, as well as outer behavior, is revelational. It's an easy and engrossing read, as we people are quite interesting. Won't you join me in reading this great epic?
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Day 14
Motherhood and ministry: it's been a wonderful few days with my family, yet there is no question that when I'm not operating in alignment with a larger Vision, there is a lack of focus behind everything.
Actually, that's not exactly correct, there is a Vision, but I am at a place of not knowing what the next step is, so there is a lot of listening to see what it is. So playing with Jack and Julian (Julian rode his bicycle today for the first time without training wheels...it was so fun riding all around the park with Jack and him) is great, at the same time, I find myself inward, "what is next God, what is my next step?"
Even as I sit to write a blog, though many interesting little thoughts roll around my head -
Actually, that's not exactly correct, there is a Vision, but I am at a place of not knowing what the next step is, so there is a lot of listening to see what it is. So playing with Jack and Julian (Julian rode his bicycle today for the first time without training wheels...it was so fun riding all around the park with Jack and him) is great, at the same time, I find myself inward, "what is next God, what is my next step?"
Even as I sit to write a blog, though many interesting little thoughts roll around my head -
like I read recently that republicans are tired of President Obama using the
word, "unprecedented"...and it is exactly how I feel in the spiritual world
where everyone is "the first", or "the best", "deepest", "most
transformative"
etc...one superlative after another, all to distinguish
one's essential
uniqueness from everyone else...a quality of the Information
Age I think, when
we have access to everyone who has ever
lived uniqueness, our own
originality seems a little less
so...so then we feel we have to
overemphasize ours to prove our worth -
they are thoughts that are not there to serve anything in particular but my own distracted musings. Thus, between family time and this questioned that has not yet been answered, musings are all I have...and they don't really serve anyone.
Oh and...who are the visionaries artists of today?
Friday, November 27, 2009
Happy Birthday!
It's a great birthday! No where I'd rather be than with my wonderful family. Jack and Julian have been angels, making me feel really special. And my Mom, 3 brothers and sisters- inlaw sang to me over the phone (they are all gather in NJ, with their kids, for the holidays). I actually have a lot I'd like to write, but today I'm just into being with my family...will return with greater depth tomorrow.
Thank you for all your love!
Oh and...my husband can COOK!!!
Thank you for all your love!
Oh and...my husband can COOK!!!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Holy Temple
I had this great realization a couple weeks back when I was remembering my time in Los Angeles. The place I miss most is The Lake Shrine Temple in Pacific Palisades. For years, on Fridays and Sunday evenings, I would go to their 2 and 3 hour silent meditations. The way it was set up was for people to enter the Temple grounds without talking and leave without talking. I never met a single person in all the years I attended, yet the sacred stillness of that time and place, still sings its intimate song in my heart.
I am a minister in an organization where 2 of the primary responsibilities of the minister are preaching and teaching. I appreciate the need for both, and what I have discovered for myself is, the foundation of a spiritual community grounded is silent communion with God.
I love the preaching and musical celebration of Spirit on a Sunday morning and I have even more passion for the classes, for understanding, teaching and learning spiritual principles. And yes, I love spiritual community and friendship too. Yet, without that structured foundation of silent communing in God, there is an emptiness that pervades my experience of a spiritual community.
Thus, it is not a surprise that the Vision for my ministry begins with a temple housing this silent, holy, sacred communion. We will have daily morning meditations and longer meditations on weekends and special occassions. This meditation chapel is central to the spiritual community center that is to evolve here in Livermore, CA. It is here to celebrate, educate and nourish spiritual awakening, spiritual community and living one's unique Vision.
If you want to start by catching God's Vision for Its' Life as you, come join me this Monday morning - 9:30 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. Anchor in the stillness of The Infinite, Unconditional Love-Intelligence of the universe, to see and hear what human eyes and hears cannot see or hear. You are a miracle...not in concept...but in living Spirit. Come commune in this Living Ground of All Being, and be renewed. Email me at revharriet1@yahoo.com if you're interested.
Oh and...I've been thinking about charisma lately. It's a joyful, fun, inspiring and often electrifying energy to be around. It can be used to inspire millions of people, or just a few, to do things beneficial that people wouldn't normally do. In service to the Infinite, it can push people past their limitations to heights never before realized.
At the same time, it's shadow can range from being empty calories to extraordinarily dangerous (think cult leaders and Hitler). In this time in our spiritual culture, I am noticing so much hype that goes along with most marketing of spiritual teachers, workshops, processes, theories, etc. etc., charisma seems like it's becoming an essential commodity to sell one's spirituality.
Again, when charisma is in service to enlightenment, it can be wonderful...but it will never be as powerful or transformational as direct communion in Spirit. This direct contact is more powerful than any class, talk, workshop, process...just you in that sweet stillness, allowing the Love of God permeate your entire Being.
Spiritual community committed to that Stillness opens my heart to that Love even more...why Lake Shrine has had such a profound and intimate impact on my spiritual journey though I never had a conversation with a single person, or heard a single inspiring talk, the whole time I was there. God may use charisma, but She certainly doesn't need it...His Isness is All.
I am a minister in an organization where 2 of the primary responsibilities of the minister are preaching and teaching. I appreciate the need for both, and what I have discovered for myself is, the foundation of a spiritual community grounded is silent communion with God.
I love the preaching and musical celebration of Spirit on a Sunday morning and I have even more passion for the classes, for understanding, teaching and learning spiritual principles. And yes, I love spiritual community and friendship too. Yet, without that structured foundation of silent communing in God, there is an emptiness that pervades my experience of a spiritual community.
Thus, it is not a surprise that the Vision for my ministry begins with a temple housing this silent, holy, sacred communion. We will have daily morning meditations and longer meditations on weekends and special occassions. This meditation chapel is central to the spiritual community center that is to evolve here in Livermore, CA. It is here to celebrate, educate and nourish spiritual awakening, spiritual community and living one's unique Vision.
If you want to start by catching God's Vision for Its' Life as you, come join me this Monday morning - 9:30 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. Anchor in the stillness of The Infinite, Unconditional Love-Intelligence of the universe, to see and hear what human eyes and hears cannot see or hear. You are a miracle...not in concept...but in living Spirit. Come commune in this Living Ground of All Being, and be renewed. Email me at revharriet1@yahoo.com if you're interested.
Oh and...I've been thinking about charisma lately. It's a joyful, fun, inspiring and often electrifying energy to be around. It can be used to inspire millions of people, or just a few, to do things beneficial that people wouldn't normally do. In service to the Infinite, it can push people past their limitations to heights never before realized.
At the same time, it's shadow can range from being empty calories to extraordinarily dangerous (think cult leaders and Hitler). In this time in our spiritual culture, I am noticing so much hype that goes along with most marketing of spiritual teachers, workshops, processes, theories, etc. etc., charisma seems like it's becoming an essential commodity to sell one's spirituality.
Again, when charisma is in service to enlightenment, it can be wonderful...but it will never be as powerful or transformational as direct communion in Spirit. This direct contact is more powerful than any class, talk, workshop, process...just you in that sweet stillness, allowing the Love of God permeate your entire Being.
Spiritual community committed to that Stillness opens my heart to that Love even more...why Lake Shrine has had such a profound and intimate impact on my spiritual journey though I never had a conversation with a single person, or heard a single inspiring talk, the whole time I was there. God may use charisma, but She certainly doesn't need it...His Isness is All.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Shhh! Enter Quietly...
The last day before the boys are home for 5 days, so I'm giving myself the most luxurious birthday present a girl could ask for...a day of silence, communing with God, My Divine Beloved. Thank You God!
Write to you tomorrow!
Oh and......oh and.....and.....and.....
Write to you tomorrow!
Oh and......oh and.....and.....and.....
Monday, November 23, 2009
Sports, God & Motherhood
Sports, God and Motherhood.
I was startled when someone asked my world's religion professor what eastern religion he thought had the most impact on western society and he replied Taoism. He explained his answer thusly:
Male energy comes in through the front door, announcing, proclaiming and teaching all about itself. Feminine energy slips in through the back door, people aren't aware it's impacting them, and yet it pervades everything. He noted that while gurus and masters of Hinduism and Buddhism have been coming through the front door in our American society, Taoism has come in through the back door. Taoism, (i.e. The Way), has permeated our culture through all the martial arts training that kids all over the country are immersed in. They are learning about The Way and yet not even consciously know they are learning it.
And my contention is that this is also what is happening in all sports, dance, intense physical activity -we are learning "to read" The Way, yet not in a conscious, intellectual way, but through our energy body. In fact, the intellect gets in the way of this direct knowing if it is leading the physical activity...only when the intellect is serving this body/energy Knowing, is it being used at it's highest level.
What does this have to do with motherhood? With all our book reading, research, child development experts, mothers often give their intuitive, body knowing over to the intellect. The intellect is leading, not serving, this energy body/intuitive Knowing. The Way, flows and pervades our homes (both our house/apt. and body) and She is Infinite in Wisdom. We can trust Her, and serve that energy/Wisdom first and foremost in how we raise our children and create Home. Then when we get stuck, we will intuitively be led to the books, experts, sages that will serve our situation best, as The Way knows all...ask any athlete.
Oh and...as part II to yesterday's note, the heroes journey is a universal archtype. It is where a person descends into hell, the underworld, conquers it, is transformed in the process, and re-emerges to Life a changed person, a victorious heroe. Thus, when the heroe in The Departed, has conquered the underworld, and is about the emerge to Life a victorious heroe, he is suddenly he's shot in the head... the archtype was brutally murdered as well as the whole purpose, beauty and power of the story. It's a story I would've returned to, to be inspired by the heroes journey, but now, there is no purpose to see it again. Yes, Matt Damon's character is killed in the end by Mark Wahlberg's, but who cares? They were the characters forcing the heroe to become a heroe...but the story was never about them.
I was startled when someone asked my world's religion professor what eastern religion he thought had the most impact on western society and he replied Taoism. He explained his answer thusly:
Male energy comes in through the front door, announcing, proclaiming and teaching all about itself. Feminine energy slips in through the back door, people aren't aware it's impacting them, and yet it pervades everything. He noted that while gurus and masters of Hinduism and Buddhism have been coming through the front door in our American society, Taoism has come in through the back door. Taoism, (i.e. The Way), has permeated our culture through all the martial arts training that kids all over the country are immersed in. They are learning about The Way and yet not even consciously know they are learning it.
And my contention is that this is also what is happening in all sports, dance, intense physical activity -we are learning "to read" The Way, yet not in a conscious, intellectual way, but through our energy body. In fact, the intellect gets in the way of this direct knowing if it is leading the physical activity...only when the intellect is serving this body/energy Knowing, is it being used at it's highest level.
What does this have to do with motherhood? With all our book reading, research, child development experts, mothers often give their intuitive, body knowing over to the intellect. The intellect is leading, not serving, this energy body/intuitive Knowing. The Way, flows and pervades our homes (both our house/apt. and body) and She is Infinite in Wisdom. We can trust Her, and serve that energy/Wisdom first and foremost in how we raise our children and create Home. Then when we get stuck, we will intuitively be led to the books, experts, sages that will serve our situation best, as The Way knows all...ask any athlete.
Oh and...as part II to yesterday's note, the heroes journey is a universal archtype. It is where a person descends into hell, the underworld, conquers it, is transformed in the process, and re-emerges to Life a changed person, a victorious heroe. Thus, when the heroe in The Departed, has conquered the underworld, and is about the emerge to Life a victorious heroe, he is suddenly he's shot in the head... the archtype was brutally murdered as well as the whole purpose, beauty and power of the story. It's a story I would've returned to, to be inspired by the heroes journey, but now, there is no purpose to see it again. Yes, Matt Damon's character is killed in the end by Mark Wahlberg's, but who cares? They were the characters forcing the heroe to become a heroe...but the story was never about them.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Day 8
We went to the Center for Spiritual Enlightenment today for the second week in a row. It's nice for me not to know anyone and not know about all that other "stuff" that happens in spiritual community. I love that at this Center, they spend 10 minutes in the Silence in the middle of their service, it's the only place I've experienced this. It's a reminder how powerful this is during any day, just to stop in the middle of activity and be still for 10 minutes. God first in all that we do.
When I'm there, I have the simultaneous feeling of missing being the minister of a church, and not missing it at all. I don't miss the constant drama that seems to rear itself more intensely in spiritual community, but I do miss preaching and teaching tremendously, and the deep intimacy of relationships anchored in conscious relationship in God.
The great thing about this period in my life is I realize I like church; I was never sure before this. As a kid we went because we had no choice. Though I liked it, when I had choice in highschool, I didn't go very much...and never went to church again until I started going to Agape in L.A. That's such an unusual place, and Rev. Michael is so exceptional that I didn't know if I'd be interested in any church beyond that...especially since by the time I graduated from ministerial school I was back to my old life- rarely going to services at Agape (though I did work there during the week).
So often as a minister speaking on a Sunday morning, I'd look out over the congregation and wonder, "why do they come here on a Sunday morning?"
And now I know why...community in God...it's heaven. Thank You God, and may I/we know Your community all week long!
Oh and...The Departed, did you ever see it? I loved, loved that movie, my favorite Martin Scorcese film yet...and yet I hated the end. He killed off Odysseus! The main character (whose name I can't remember, played by Leo DiCaprio) gets killed at the almost end of the movie. What if Homer had killed of Odysseus before he got home to Penelope? If he had, we wouldn't be still be reading the Odyssey today. It was a brilliant movie about the heroe's journey, except Scorsese (and whoever wrote it) killed off the heroe....making the movie a little less brilliant.
When I'm there, I have the simultaneous feeling of missing being the minister of a church, and not missing it at all. I don't miss the constant drama that seems to rear itself more intensely in spiritual community, but I do miss preaching and teaching tremendously, and the deep intimacy of relationships anchored in conscious relationship in God.
The great thing about this period in my life is I realize I like church; I was never sure before this. As a kid we went because we had no choice. Though I liked it, when I had choice in highschool, I didn't go very much...and never went to church again until I started going to Agape in L.A. That's such an unusual place, and Rev. Michael is so exceptional that I didn't know if I'd be interested in any church beyond that...especially since by the time I graduated from ministerial school I was back to my old life- rarely going to services at Agape (though I did work there during the week).
So often as a minister speaking on a Sunday morning, I'd look out over the congregation and wonder, "why do they come here on a Sunday morning?"
And now I know why...community in God...it's heaven. Thank You God, and may I/we know Your community all week long!
Oh and...The Departed, did you ever see it? I loved, loved that movie, my favorite Martin Scorcese film yet...and yet I hated the end. He killed off Odysseus! The main character (whose name I can't remember, played by Leo DiCaprio) gets killed at the almost end of the movie. What if Homer had killed of Odysseus before he got home to Penelope? If he had, we wouldn't be still be reading the Odyssey today. It was a brilliant movie about the heroe's journey, except Scorsese (and whoever wrote it) killed off the heroe....making the movie a little less brilliant.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Day 7
What would it be like to be totally consumed with the Infinite with no personal desires? I don't know, but today I feel closer to that place than I have in a long, long time. The main feeling is of FREEDOM!
At the same time, what I keep "hearing" from the Divine is to know know Her not only in spirit, but as body, as form, as earth...over and over this seems to be my area of growth...to know God not only in the Invisible, but also in the visible...a nondual awareness yes, but also I'm being guided to appreciate specifically the chi of God, the energy/light/prana/holy spirit of the Divine as me and all of life.
So I've begun yoga once a week with Jack, (different from the endorphin high of jogging, which doesn't always lead me to actually feeling my body) which I love. We'll see how else all this guidance shows up, I'm still unsure.
And how cool that at the end of the day to talk to my Mom and she starts talking to me about Ken Wilber and integral theory!!! Wow! It's a beautiful and amazing world!
Oh and...did you ever see Last Temptation of Christ, by the brilliant Martin Scorcese? Yes brilliant, but his attempt to make Jesus human was so depressing...who would follow that guy? It's bugged me ever since I saw it, so I just had to mention it. There was all this hoopla around the movie, about Jesus maybe sleeping with a woman and I can't remember what else. I remember none of that bothered me, what bothered me is the guy never smiled, or showed any qualities of Light..and yet he was the guy to forever impact this earth?!! Scorcese missed the boat on this one in my perspective. Did he ever see Gandhi? ..I remember seeing William Dafoe in an interview, laughing and entertaining and I thought, "wow, he's shining more Christ light now than he did in that movie." What do you think?
At the same time, what I keep "hearing" from the Divine is to know know Her not only in spirit, but as body, as form, as earth...over and over this seems to be my area of growth...to know God not only in the Invisible, but also in the visible...a nondual awareness yes, but also I'm being guided to appreciate specifically the chi of God, the energy/light/prana/holy spirit of the Divine as me and all of life.
So I've begun yoga once a week with Jack, (different from the endorphin high of jogging, which doesn't always lead me to actually feeling my body) which I love. We'll see how else all this guidance shows up, I'm still unsure.
And how cool that at the end of the day to talk to my Mom and she starts talking to me about Ken Wilber and integral theory!!! Wow! It's a beautiful and amazing world!
Oh and...did you ever see Last Temptation of Christ, by the brilliant Martin Scorcese? Yes brilliant, but his attempt to make Jesus human was so depressing...who would follow that guy? It's bugged me ever since I saw it, so I just had to mention it. There was all this hoopla around the movie, about Jesus maybe sleeping with a woman and I can't remember what else. I remember none of that bothered me, what bothered me is the guy never smiled, or showed any qualities of Light..and yet he was the guy to forever impact this earth?!! Scorcese missed the boat on this one in my perspective. Did he ever see Gandhi? ..I remember seeing William Dafoe in an interview, laughing and entertaining and I thought, "wow, he's shining more Christ light now than he did in that movie." What do you think?
Friday, November 20, 2009
At Play In The Field Of The Infinite
Do you have long conversations with Spirit too?
As I'm picking up our apartment in preparation for a playdate today, God and I are talking away. The key to these conversations is to listen as much as I talk. What cracks me up is that this Infinitely Loving, Intelligent Presence asks me questions that seem so utterly irrelevant to what I'm asking about! Yet I have discovered from having many of these conversations that if I just go with it, somehow an entirely new perpective about my question reveals itself in such a surprising way.
It reminds me of Socrates famous quote, "All that I know is I know nothing" and the Beginners Mind talked about so frequently in zen. It's the best way to live, yet I still amaze myself how often I think God is wrong and have to battle it out with Her...always to be broken down and be opened in Love, awe and gratitude (the Infinite never disturbed by my egoic attitude).
Well that was my day today...great, holy conversation while I picked up our home. Didn't have the fight in me today, so the conversation flowed easily and abundantly in Spirit, revealing and healing.
The vision for this motherhood ministry continues to reveal itself. I describe it here not to etch it in stone, but to allow the creativity of God to express Itself as it has thus been revealed.
What I have seen is a Monday morning visioning at our home for anyone who is interested in discovering the God's Vision for their life. Then on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday mornings, inviting anyone who is interested to our home, to join me in a 4o minute silent meditation. What a yummy addition to the whole cleaning and learning to cook thing!
Are you feeling it?!
Oh and...I forget how puritan our country is until I have something in which to compare it. I'm amazed in the 100 pages I've read so far in War and Peace, how much love and affection is expressed on such a regular basis between the characters. Men saying, "my dear, I love you" to men friends, women kissing each other "all over" and expressing love to one another. It really pops out at me as I read...what, no high fives?
As I'm picking up our apartment in preparation for a playdate today, God and I are talking away. The key to these conversations is to listen as much as I talk. What cracks me up is that this Infinitely Loving, Intelligent Presence asks me questions that seem so utterly irrelevant to what I'm asking about! Yet I have discovered from having many of these conversations that if I just go with it, somehow an entirely new perpective about my question reveals itself in such a surprising way.
It reminds me of Socrates famous quote, "All that I know is I know nothing" and the Beginners Mind talked about so frequently in zen. It's the best way to live, yet I still amaze myself how often I think God is wrong and have to battle it out with Her...always to be broken down and be opened in Love, awe and gratitude (the Infinite never disturbed by my egoic attitude).
Well that was my day today...great, holy conversation while I picked up our home. Didn't have the fight in me today, so the conversation flowed easily and abundantly in Spirit, revealing and healing.
The vision for this motherhood ministry continues to reveal itself. I describe it here not to etch it in stone, but to allow the creativity of God to express Itself as it has thus been revealed.
What I have seen is a Monday morning visioning at our home for anyone who is interested in discovering the God's Vision for their life. Then on Tuesday, Thursday and Friday mornings, inviting anyone who is interested to our home, to join me in a 4o minute silent meditation. What a yummy addition to the whole cleaning and learning to cook thing!
Are you feeling it?!
Oh and...I forget how puritan our country is until I have something in which to compare it. I'm amazed in the 100 pages I've read so far in War and Peace, how much love and affection is expressed on such a regular basis between the characters. Men saying, "my dear, I love you" to men friends, women kissing each other "all over" and expressing love to one another. It really pops out at me as I read...what, no high fives?
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Vision
People without Vision persish, God's Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven...all of these we hear, and yet do we really know what God's Vision is for It's life as us? Are we passionate about finding out...or do we keep putting it off?
I remember Andrew Harvey saying of those solely engaged in spiritual practice, "we're so blissed out on our meditation pillow, we're of no earthly use." While waking up is ascension, knowing God's Vision for our life and living it is the fulfilling the promise of the realizing the kingdom of heaven on earth.
We may have goals and visualize and affirm to meet those goals, but generally those goals are limited by our finite perspective. When we open ourselves up to the Infinite, suddenly we see an Idea for our life that is much grander and more original than we could possibly have dreamed.
This is my second passion, to teach how to know one's unique, God-ordained, Vision and to live it. In fact, I'm thinking about having a weekly vision group in my home for those who are interested in the tri-valley area.
I've been experiencing a bit of the desert lately, after years of living in Vision...it's unsettling and yet I feel something cooking underneath that is quite delicious. My sense is, it's almost ready to be seen, felt, heard, tasted, touched and smelled and I am ready.
Are you ready to catch the Vision for your life?
P.S. Oh and...is it really that hard to turn on one's turn signal when changing lanes? :)
I remember Andrew Harvey saying of those solely engaged in spiritual practice, "we're so blissed out on our meditation pillow, we're of no earthly use." While waking up is ascension, knowing God's Vision for our life and living it is the fulfilling the promise of the realizing the kingdom of heaven on earth.
We may have goals and visualize and affirm to meet those goals, but generally those goals are limited by our finite perspective. When we open ourselves up to the Infinite, suddenly we see an Idea for our life that is much grander and more original than we could possibly have dreamed.
This is my second passion, to teach how to know one's unique, God-ordained, Vision and to live it. In fact, I'm thinking about having a weekly vision group in my home for those who are interested in the tri-valley area.
I've been experiencing a bit of the desert lately, after years of living in Vision...it's unsettling and yet I feel something cooking underneath that is quite delicious. My sense is, it's almost ready to be seen, felt, heard, tasted, touched and smelled and I am ready.
Are you ready to catch the Vision for your life?
P.S. Oh and...is it really that hard to turn on one's turn signal when changing lanes? :)
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Only Day 4? :)
There are only 2 purposes in God's ministry as me - help people to wake up to who they really are and help/inspire them to live their vision. Today I'll just write about what I mean by the first one, waking up, and how I see it applying to motherhood.
Being asleep - in spiritual terms- means we are solely identified with our gross physical body and it's emotional/mental habit patterns. In other words, all that I think that I am is Harriet Hawkins and her story from conception to now.
Then either through a peak mystical experience(s), and/or the suffering 'caused by that sole identity, we begin to learn that we also have an energy (subtle) body, an ideational (causal) body and behind all that, the Ground of All Being, God, Allah, Brahma, The Way (nondual reality). And what's even more amazing is to really understand that we are made in the image and likeness of God, in fact, God is all that we are (if God/Ground of All Being is Infinite, for there to be a place where Allah/Brahma is not, then It would be finite, thus all that is, is The One, thus all that we are is God).
Great! It's much easier to grasp this intellectually, than to actually wake up to our True Identity and live more identified with That then with our human identity. Thus prayer without ceasing, life as a meditation, service, devotion, reflection are ways to assit our finite selves to wake up!
As a Mom, I believe it's important for Julian to be fully grounded in his earthly self (interestingly, the Kaballah - Jewish mysticism - was traditionally not taught until people...well, men...were in their 40's, fully established in structure and life, grounding the growing mystical awareness in a healthy, integrative way...which clearly has some value relative to the image we have of the flakey new ager). At the same time, I continue to do my spiritual practices and talk about Spiritual Truths as very alive and real in our every day lives. My hope is that Julian will grow up grounded in the joy of his physical life and yet also knowing he is more than that and that he is forever connected and part of this vast, loving, infinitely intelligent, Presence
What comes from this intention are some interesting conversations, like the one we has in the car this past Sunday, on our way to the Center for Spiritual Enlightenment in San Jose:
Julian is talking passionately about being a superheroe so he can fight all the bad guys.
I ask, "What about Jesus, is he a superheroe?"
Without hestitation, "yes".
"But you know, he doesn't kill anyone, or fight them."
Again without hesitation, "That's okay, he's a talking superheroe."
"Cool. You know what he does that is super amazing? He not only doesn't fight the bad guys, he loves the bad guys! That's really hard, I can't do it most of the time."
"He LOVES the bad guys? I could never do that! That's really hard!"
Then yesterday, clearly having pondered this, Julian again was saying he couldn't love the bad guys, he'd have to put them in jail. So I said he could put them in the jail and still love them, just like when I ask him to go to his room for not listening, I still love him. He stops and thinks about this, then says, "I got it, I could put them in jail and love them until they're good guys. That would work..Mom, I bet you could do that too!"
Made in the image and likeness of God...
Now the downside of continuing to do my spiritual practices is, sometimes I get in such a deep, blissful place, I get irritable when I am brought back to the very earthly world of a child. So rather than it evoking me to me a more peaceful Mom, the dissonance between the inner peace and the outer noise is like fingernails on a chalkboard. I'm still working on that one...
Oh and...Ken Wilber says that men have their "church" through sports. Going into the zone, pushing physical/emotional/mental boundaries past what one believe is possible (he says what feels like death) - not much different says he, than the states of consciousness experienced on the meditation pillow. If that's the case, wouldn't it be cool if there was a ministry (spiritual not religious) for sports? I haven't quite gotten what that would look like...but it's interesting to ponder the possibilities...
Being asleep - in spiritual terms- means we are solely identified with our gross physical body and it's emotional/mental habit patterns. In other words, all that I think that I am is Harriet Hawkins and her story from conception to now.
Then either through a peak mystical experience(s), and/or the suffering 'caused by that sole identity, we begin to learn that we also have an energy (subtle) body, an ideational (causal) body and behind all that, the Ground of All Being, God, Allah, Brahma, The Way (nondual reality). And what's even more amazing is to really understand that we are made in the image and likeness of God, in fact, God is all that we are (if God/Ground of All Being is Infinite, for there to be a place where Allah/Brahma is not, then It would be finite, thus all that is, is The One, thus all that we are is God).
Great! It's much easier to grasp this intellectually, than to actually wake up to our True Identity and live more identified with That then with our human identity. Thus prayer without ceasing, life as a meditation, service, devotion, reflection are ways to assit our finite selves to wake up!
As a Mom, I believe it's important for Julian to be fully grounded in his earthly self (interestingly, the Kaballah - Jewish mysticism - was traditionally not taught until people...well, men...were in their 40's, fully established in structure and life, grounding the growing mystical awareness in a healthy, integrative way...which clearly has some value relative to the image we have of the flakey new ager). At the same time, I continue to do my spiritual practices and talk about Spiritual Truths as very alive and real in our every day lives. My hope is that Julian will grow up grounded in the joy of his physical life and yet also knowing he is more than that and that he is forever connected and part of this vast, loving, infinitely intelligent, Presence
What comes from this intention are some interesting conversations, like the one we has in the car this past Sunday, on our way to the Center for Spiritual Enlightenment in San Jose:
Julian is talking passionately about being a superheroe so he can fight all the bad guys.
I ask, "What about Jesus, is he a superheroe?"
Without hestitation, "yes".
"But you know, he doesn't kill anyone, or fight them."
Again without hesitation, "That's okay, he's a talking superheroe."
"Cool. You know what he does that is super amazing? He not only doesn't fight the bad guys, he loves the bad guys! That's really hard, I can't do it most of the time."
"He LOVES the bad guys? I could never do that! That's really hard!"
Then yesterday, clearly having pondered this, Julian again was saying he couldn't love the bad guys, he'd have to put them in jail. So I said he could put them in the jail and still love them, just like when I ask him to go to his room for not listening, I still love him. He stops and thinks about this, then says, "I got it, I could put them in jail and love them until they're good guys. That would work..Mom, I bet you could do that too!"
Made in the image and likeness of God...
Now the downside of continuing to do my spiritual practices is, sometimes I get in such a deep, blissful place, I get irritable when I am brought back to the very earthly world of a child. So rather than it evoking me to me a more peaceful Mom, the dissonance between the inner peace and the outer noise is like fingernails on a chalkboard. I'm still working on that one...
Oh and...Ken Wilber says that men have their "church" through sports. Going into the zone, pushing physical/emotional/mental boundaries past what one believe is possible (he says what feels like death) - not much different says he, than the states of consciousness experienced on the meditation pillow. If that's the case, wouldn't it be cool if there was a ministry (spiritual not religious) for sports? I haven't quite gotten what that would look like...but it's interesting to ponder the possibilities...
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Day 3
I really appreciate the Age of Reason and how it has evolved our world beyond magic/mythic/conformist belief systems. The downside however, is that in valuing individuation over group conformity, we lost sight of the powerful need to bond with others.
I was reading Jean Liedloff's book The Continuum Concept when I was around 30. She lived for a year with a tribe in the Amazon and wrote how different their children were from western children. They were more relaxed, at home in their bodies, in way she hadn't seen before. What she witnessed is the mothers of infants never put their babies down, they were held or in a sling all the time...constant human contact. It wasn't until the baby started pulling to be on the ground would they put them down, only to bring them back up into their arms when the baby was done. The physical sense of well-being it gave a child was tangible.
Then I read the sentence that brought it all home (if I still had the book, I'd quote it, but I don't)...it was Liedloff's suspicion that behind much of western addiction was this lack of touch, this lack of "in-arms" time as an infant. As I read that, I experienced my third-eye opening up and the word "Truth" surrounded in Light. I knew in that moment that was how I was going to raise my baby.
Thank You God for bringing me Jack who has been so supportive in this way of raising Julian. When Julian was an infant, we always held him in our arms or he was in the sling, he never slept in a crib, we hardly used strollers and he nursed until he was 3. It was strange enough for the people around us that the "attachment parenting" group that I attended was a life saver from feeling like a totally whacko.
Interestingly, most of the negativie comments I received were based on the fear that by holding Julian so much, we were going to create a dependent child. That's when I realized how intensely we value independence and how much - in general - we fear/reject/detest dependence. Though I appreciate the need for people to individuate, it is extreme when we feel we need to train infants and toddlers to do this from the start. Both an infant's and Mom's natural biological instinct is to touch, to hold, to nurture...disassociating from this biological instinct doesn't serve the child's independence, but rather creates an even greater longing to get that need met, somehow, someway.
I am so grateful we did this attachment parenting with Julian as he has become exactly what the mothers in my attachment parent group promised...independent and caring about others.
At the same time, I also found that this parenting style of the past is not easily translated to modern times. Unlike the tribe in the amazon, I was mothering alone, I didn't have sisters, cousins, aunts, grandparents all holding Julian, it was just me (and Jack when he was home from work). I felt isolated and exhausted. I remember one woman from the islands telling me she and her sisters would give each other a break, nursing each others' babies. That blew me away, that feeling of community in raising children.
And that's why I brought this up today. The women in this tribe in the Amazon also participated (i.e. "worked) in the tribes life, but they could do their work with their children right there, playing. That is much of what is inspiring me now, how to live in harmony with Julian's schedule and needs, while fullfilling my community calling (ministry).
I have talked to many mothers who have felt like I have, guilt that when we're working we're not doing something for our kids and when we're with our kids, we're doing as much for our work as we could be. Either way, it's never enough and it feels split, not as one great whole working together.
Behind this is, this lack of peace, we're striving all the time for perfection, yet forgetting the beauty, harmony, flow, abundance (!), of the Isness of Being. Ever notice how nature -ususally referred to in the feminine- moves so much slower than "man-made" time?
Do we recognize the Infinite Peace in our homes while we work so hard to raise happy, fulfilled children? Can our children know happiness without peace? Peace...it's the quality I find I long for in my daily life as Mom, but often miss it in my striving. What about you?
Oh and...why don't professional sports teams line up and high-five the players of opposing team after games?
I was reading Jean Liedloff's book The Continuum Concept when I was around 30. She lived for a year with a tribe in the Amazon and wrote how different their children were from western children. They were more relaxed, at home in their bodies, in way she hadn't seen before. What she witnessed is the mothers of infants never put their babies down, they were held or in a sling all the time...constant human contact. It wasn't until the baby started pulling to be on the ground would they put them down, only to bring them back up into their arms when the baby was done. The physical sense of well-being it gave a child was tangible.
Then I read the sentence that brought it all home (if I still had the book, I'd quote it, but I don't)...it was Liedloff's suspicion that behind much of western addiction was this lack of touch, this lack of "in-arms" time as an infant. As I read that, I experienced my third-eye opening up and the word "Truth" surrounded in Light. I knew in that moment that was how I was going to raise my baby.
Thank You God for bringing me Jack who has been so supportive in this way of raising Julian. When Julian was an infant, we always held him in our arms or he was in the sling, he never slept in a crib, we hardly used strollers and he nursed until he was 3. It was strange enough for the people around us that the "attachment parenting" group that I attended was a life saver from feeling like a totally whacko.
Interestingly, most of the negativie comments I received were based on the fear that by holding Julian so much, we were going to create a dependent child. That's when I realized how intensely we value independence and how much - in general - we fear/reject/detest dependence. Though I appreciate the need for people to individuate, it is extreme when we feel we need to train infants and toddlers to do this from the start. Both an infant's and Mom's natural biological instinct is to touch, to hold, to nurture...disassociating from this biological instinct doesn't serve the child's independence, but rather creates an even greater longing to get that need met, somehow, someway.
I am so grateful we did this attachment parenting with Julian as he has become exactly what the mothers in my attachment parent group promised...independent and caring about others.
At the same time, I also found that this parenting style of the past is not easily translated to modern times. Unlike the tribe in the amazon, I was mothering alone, I didn't have sisters, cousins, aunts, grandparents all holding Julian, it was just me (and Jack when he was home from work). I felt isolated and exhausted. I remember one woman from the islands telling me she and her sisters would give each other a break, nursing each others' babies. That blew me away, that feeling of community in raising children.
And that's why I brought this up today. The women in this tribe in the Amazon also participated (i.e. "worked) in the tribes life, but they could do their work with their children right there, playing. That is much of what is inspiring me now, how to live in harmony with Julian's schedule and needs, while fullfilling my community calling (ministry).
I have talked to many mothers who have felt like I have, guilt that when we're working we're not doing something for our kids and when we're with our kids, we're doing as much for our work as we could be. Either way, it's never enough and it feels split, not as one great whole working together.
Behind this is, this lack of peace, we're striving all the time for perfection, yet forgetting the beauty, harmony, flow, abundance (!), of the Isness of Being. Ever notice how nature -ususally referred to in the feminine- moves so much slower than "man-made" time?
Do we recognize the Infinite Peace in our homes while we work so hard to raise happy, fulfilled children? Can our children know happiness without peace? Peace...it's the quality I find I long for in my daily life as Mom, but often miss it in my striving. What about you?
Oh and...why don't professional sports teams line up and high-five the players of opposing team after games?
Monday, November 16, 2009
Day 2
A few weeks ago I had a dream in which Steven Spielberg told me I should read War and Peace, by Leo Tolstoy, so I am. Here's what I notice about the society Tolstoy writes about in the beginning of this epic, they don't cook or clean. The "society" people don't, the servants do everything.
When I was growing up, I had a servant too, it was great. Breakfast, lunch and dinner were always prepared, and when at home, served beautifully at the table. She did the laundry, ironed, kept the house orderly...yes, it was my Mom. Now we did have a housekeeper that came I think once a week (we had a big house), but my Mom did everything else.
In college I remember cooking dinner for my boyfriend, doing his laundry, until one day it dawned on me that we were both in college and why was I playing this role? I so got my dander up, and decided then and there, I wasn't going to play the same role as my Mom.
Thus, even today as I look at the plain work it takes to take care of a home, I still feel that it isn't noble work, but a servants work to do. Intellectually I know this isn't true -except I happen to be reading War and Peace where it is true - I just haven't actually gotten to where I really believe this is a noble way to live. The real people are out participating in the world, away from home, and home is the secondary place to be...a place to restore, revitalize oneself to go back out to the real i.e. important/valuable world.
It never ceases to amaze me how much of what I experience is simply an outpicturing of my habitual thought patterns, created over many years of life.
What about all of you? Do you feel the nobility of taking care of a home and providing meals 3 times a day, every day?
Oh and...when we know the power of visualization in co-creating our lives, why are films created and watched, that are like nuclear bombs for our souls?
When I was growing up, I had a servant too, it was great. Breakfast, lunch and dinner were always prepared, and when at home, served beautifully at the table. She did the laundry, ironed, kept the house orderly...yes, it was my Mom. Now we did have a housekeeper that came I think once a week (we had a big house), but my Mom did everything else.
In college I remember cooking dinner for my boyfriend, doing his laundry, until one day it dawned on me that we were both in college and why was I playing this role? I so got my dander up, and decided then and there, I wasn't going to play the same role as my Mom.
Thus, even today as I look at the plain work it takes to take care of a home, I still feel that it isn't noble work, but a servants work to do. Intellectually I know this isn't true -except I happen to be reading War and Peace where it is true - I just haven't actually gotten to where I really believe this is a noble way to live. The real people are out participating in the world, away from home, and home is the secondary place to be...a place to restore, revitalize oneself to go back out to the real i.e. important/valuable world.
It never ceases to amaze me how much of what I experience is simply an outpicturing of my habitual thought patterns, created over many years of life.
What about all of you? Do you feel the nobility of taking care of a home and providing meals 3 times a day, every day?
Oh and...when we know the power of visualization in co-creating our lives, why are films created and watched, that are like nuclear bombs for our souls?
Sunday, November 15, 2009
The Beginning
Hello My Friends,
It’s nice to connect with you in this new way. I’m excited to write this blog for the next 40 days, as I expect revelations and insights, every day, from all of us. Insights about what you ask??? Well let’s find out…
Around my 25th birthday I had a Vision of having a baby. Around my 28th birthday, I had a Vision telling me, in no uncertain terms, to be a minister. As there is no clear path to becoming a mother, I poured my energy and intention into becoming a minister…and 9 years after that Vision, I happily became the senior minister of the Celebration Center for Spiritual Living, the church I was attending when I had that Vision 9 years earlier. Wow.
And what else happened that first year of ministry? I got married and pregnant…all at once, both Visions were fulfilled, along with a new relationship…I was in complete overwhelm. Not to mention the fact that I had been training and preparing myself to be a minister for 9 years, and had spent little time preparing myself for motherhood.
Julian was 8 months old when I left my position as senior minister. My next thought was part-time, asst. ministry, and that’s what took me to the Oakland Center for Spiritual Living and working with Rev. Joan Steadman. Great job, but ministry isn’t ever part-time and there was Julian…I kept missing birthday parties, and feeling not present even when I was present…and I felt that way for ministry too. So I left that job, sure that in surrendering my life to God, to this Infinitely Loving and Wise Presence, everything would effortlessly shift into place…just as it had for so many years. It didn’t.
This past year, I just couldn’t let go of trying to figure out how motherhood would fit in with/work with, ministry…ministry being my base that which I have known I have to do no matter what. It is the way I have been asked by God to serve the world; I couldn’t just drop it. Then 2 weeks ago I realized something really important…Julian is more important to me than anything else in the world, including ministry…in fact, in my heart, ministry is a far, far second to Julian. Why, I wondered, have I not been living in alignment with my heart?
As soon as I shifted, allowing myself to let go of ministry totally, and be totally focused on God’s Vision of Her Life as mother as me…suddenly I realized I’ve been getting visions all along, since Julian was an infant, but I just ignored them because they weren’t fitting into my ministry preconceived ideas.
I have run from my home, from being a homemaker, and yet here what this Infinite Intelligence has been revealing to me is make my home my ministry. It’s the Center of ministry for me, it is from this place of Home that I serve…the whole “my body is God’s temple”, expanded into our home is our church, our ashram, our sangha, our temple, our holy sacred site, where we consciously live in love, play and service to the One.
Happy, happy, happy, I can’t believe that God’s Will for my life is what my heart has longed for my whole life!! And yet, with all the joy of this revelation came the practical realization that I’m far more prepared to speak in front of hundreds of people than I am to create a sacred home. The resistance is amazing. It’s unfamiliar, unknown…who knew for this one time introvert, ministry would feel more safe than creating a home.
So here I have a blog dedicating these next 40 days, until Christmas Eve, to jumpstart me in consciously creating a sacred home. And our home, the Hawkins Quigley home, is your home, thus your wisdom, humor; revelations are all welcome to join me on this journey. Thanks for joining me and let’s have some fun!!!!
Oh, and…. on a whole other note: why do I hear so much about steroid use in baseball and other sports, but hear nothing about steroid use in football or basketball? What’s up with that?
It’s nice to connect with you in this new way. I’m excited to write this blog for the next 40 days, as I expect revelations and insights, every day, from all of us. Insights about what you ask??? Well let’s find out…
Around my 25th birthday I had a Vision of having a baby. Around my 28th birthday, I had a Vision telling me, in no uncertain terms, to be a minister. As there is no clear path to becoming a mother, I poured my energy and intention into becoming a minister…and 9 years after that Vision, I happily became the senior minister of the Celebration Center for Spiritual Living, the church I was attending when I had that Vision 9 years earlier. Wow.
And what else happened that first year of ministry? I got married and pregnant…all at once, both Visions were fulfilled, along with a new relationship…I was in complete overwhelm. Not to mention the fact that I had been training and preparing myself to be a minister for 9 years, and had spent little time preparing myself for motherhood.
Julian was 8 months old when I left my position as senior minister. My next thought was part-time, asst. ministry, and that’s what took me to the Oakland Center for Spiritual Living and working with Rev. Joan Steadman. Great job, but ministry isn’t ever part-time and there was Julian…I kept missing birthday parties, and feeling not present even when I was present…and I felt that way for ministry too. So I left that job, sure that in surrendering my life to God, to this Infinitely Loving and Wise Presence, everything would effortlessly shift into place…just as it had for so many years. It didn’t.
This past year, I just couldn’t let go of trying to figure out how motherhood would fit in with/work with, ministry…ministry being my base that which I have known I have to do no matter what. It is the way I have been asked by God to serve the world; I couldn’t just drop it. Then 2 weeks ago I realized something really important…Julian is more important to me than anything else in the world, including ministry…in fact, in my heart, ministry is a far, far second to Julian. Why, I wondered, have I not been living in alignment with my heart?
As soon as I shifted, allowing myself to let go of ministry totally, and be totally focused on God’s Vision of Her Life as mother as me…suddenly I realized I’ve been getting visions all along, since Julian was an infant, but I just ignored them because they weren’t fitting into my ministry preconceived ideas.
I have run from my home, from being a homemaker, and yet here what this Infinite Intelligence has been revealing to me is make my home my ministry. It’s the Center of ministry for me, it is from this place of Home that I serve…the whole “my body is God’s temple”, expanded into our home is our church, our ashram, our sangha, our temple, our holy sacred site, where we consciously live in love, play and service to the One.
Happy, happy, happy, I can’t believe that God’s Will for my life is what my heart has longed for my whole life!! And yet, with all the joy of this revelation came the practical realization that I’m far more prepared to speak in front of hundreds of people than I am to create a sacred home. The resistance is amazing. It’s unfamiliar, unknown…who knew for this one time introvert, ministry would feel more safe than creating a home.
So here I have a blog dedicating these next 40 days, until Christmas Eve, to jumpstart me in consciously creating a sacred home. And our home, the Hawkins Quigley home, is your home, thus your wisdom, humor; revelations are all welcome to join me on this journey. Thanks for joining me and let’s have some fun!!!!
Oh, and…. on a whole other note: why do I hear so much about steroid use in baseball and other sports, but hear nothing about steroid use in football or basketball? What’s up with that?
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